I surrender all of me

So these last couples of months have been a real struggle for me. I feel like my spiritual life has fallen through the cracks... or rather craters at this point. And I have been feeling this uneasiness for so long the question of Religion vs Christianity. Many people don't think there is a difference and I was one of them until these last couple of weeks the Lord has been opening my eyes.

A few weeks ago I was watching the news and a Church went to Walmart and paid off random peoples layaway balances. Why you might ask? They left a note saying just like we have paid your debts Jesus paid for yours and now you are FREE... Merry Christmas. Wow really people out there still do these kind of things.

Then while attending the YMCA swim and gym weekly this little boy kept inviting his friend to church. The conversation went something like this: " hey Mrs .... Can your son come to church with me tonight (thursday)... She answers no I can't tonight we are busy. The boy asks what about tomorrow.... No we can't we already have plans... okay what about saturday... Geez what do you go to church everyday???? Yes the boy smiles. Then the mom comes to explain that at her church they have activities everyday of the week for all different ages. They have morning devotionals, senior walk devotionals, game night, family night, homework help etc.... So the lady says to the boy I promise we will go to church on Christmas day I mean who doesn't go to church service on Christmas... (thinking in my head... I don't unless it falls on a sabbath i don't think we have a worship service on Christmas... hmm) So the next week comes and the boy reminds the lady hey Mrs.... Remember you promised you would go to church on Christmas.... She says yes we will be there. Then he says I wanted to also invite you to a special program on Christmas Eve but you need to bring a present. For what she asks... well we are bringing presents to the kids in the hospital in South Bend and singing to them so they know Jesus loves them. I heard what the man (assuming the preacher) said and so since we dont' have too much money i had ask my mom for a >>>> but i then decided to tell my mom to buy the present but not for me to give to the sick kid. I have plenty of toys in my house and these sick kids should get something nice... that's the best present I could give Jesus this year. The lady with tears in her eyes says I'll be there on Christmas Eve he quickly jumps in and says and Christmas day you promised she laughs and agrees. The boy runs to his mother with a big smile and says Mom Jesus has answered our prayers not only are they coming for Christmas but they are also coming Christmas Eve. The mother then goes and continues to witness to the Lady. And I think to myself really is this happening in front of me right now.

That same week we got a letter in the mail for Brandon inviting him to a Winter Break VBS. ( we ended up taking him to a different church for vbs this year since our church didn't have one) The theme of VBS is teaching kids how to be missionaries. Really God are you kidding me people are really still doing this kind of stuff...

Then I stop and reflected on my childhood and of my upbringing in the church. Church to me back then was about DOING. It was about telling the everyone Jesus is coming. Going door to door. Spending time with my Church family was the best thing ever. We would be in church from 8am to 10-11pm every Sabbath together. No naps, No meetings, just choir, Missionary work, Bible bowls, bible studies, etc... And Now? It seems like everything changed from doing to planning or meetings, or permission, or studies on what we should do. Why not " JUST DO IT" Nike can how much more can we do with Jesus on our side. I don't remember reading in the Bible that before Jesus went to preach the pharisees had to get together and approve his message? I don't remember that before Jesus healed on the Sabbath He went to check that the church insurance would pay for that. Seriously HE just DID. He answered to only His Father. He did what was needed no matter the consequences. If Jesus was killed and suffered and lived to tell about it... And promises us the same thing yes we will suffer some of us might even be killed or persecuted but at the end our reward will be eternity with him then why aren't we DOING it?

I've been so busy hating on our church on all the "religion" aspect of it, the rules, the meetings, the unfairness, the injustice of it that I forgot why I'm here... I stopped doing... I stopped searching I just Stopped. Jesus wasn't going to ask me Diana what did your church do or didn't do He's going to ask me Diana what did YOU do? So I have decided this new year 2012 that I don't care what anyone around me does... I'm going to DO what Jesus wants me to DO. I'm going to be a Christian and follow Jesus. It's starts with me.... "Be the difference you want to see in the world"... I leave 2011 behind all the hurt, the worries, the ugly really and look forward to a new year, a new page, a new beginning in my quest to DO. I end this blog with a the lyrics of song by Selah "All of Me"

Holy Father, love me still

I have fallen from Your will

I am broken

Hear my humble cry

My cry

Take my life and make it Yours, Lord

Fill me with Your love

You are all I need

I surrender all of me

I have wandered for so long

Tired and weary on my own

In Your arms I know I'm home, O God

My God

Take my life and make it Yours, Lord

Fill me with Your love

You are all I need

I surrender all of me

Take my life and make it Yours, Lord

Fill me with Your love

You are all I need

I surrender

I surrender

I surrender all of me

Prayer!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

So this past week has been crazy. I ended up not going to church last Sabbath even though I had every intention of going. This week I've been sick and nervous about going to the Dr to get tests and results done to see what is going on with the chest pain and shortness of breathe I've been having. I've been asking all of my friends to pray for me because I was so anxious and had been feeling so sick. I finally went and after hours of testing all the tests came out negative. So instead of praising God for helping me. I began to question him and be filled with doubt because it seems that all my symptoms are getting worse and no Dr can find whats wrong with me. It's a very scary thing for me. Then tonight I went to fusion. And it made me realize something, that everyone is praying for me but I wasn't praying myself. I mean Jesus is the Doctor of all doctors. He's my healer. The answer to my prayers (had I prayed) was the most obvious. So this week i'm going to devote myself to prayer for the Lord to do his well with not only my physical health but with my spiritual health too. What about you my dear readers (all 4 of you) what blessing, miracles, answers are you missing out on because you aren't praying to God? I leave you with the words of this hymn they sang tonight.

What a friend we have in Jesus,

all our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

everything to God in prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

all because we do not carry

everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged;

take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful

who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness;

take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,

cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge;

take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In his arms he'll take and shield thee;

thou wilt find a solace there.

Break

So today i'm taking a break and enjoying my Sabbath. I'm not sure what's going on with me lately but I seem to be struggling with my sleep pattern. It's either I sleep all day and all night or i'm exhausted and can't sleep. Any ideas on what to do? Ugh no matter what though I will be go to church today! Today I went for my eye exam and my vision got a little worse (2.50/2.75 to 2.75/3.00) but I got new contacts and hopefully be able to order glasses soon. Also today I opened my mom a facebook... scary I know! Oh well I hope everyone enjoys their Sabbath!

nite nite

Day 9

Seeing how I had a rather uneventful day I've decided to do something a little different today. I'm going to thank 21 people who have in some way help shape who I am today.

So today I'm thankful for...

1. Cindia the sister I never had... thank you for always being here for me no matter what.
2. My mom who never stops praying for me.
3. Ivonne for all the late nights talking to help me during the dark ages.
4. Lilly who constantly makes me laugh and for making some of my dreams come true.
5. Ileana for never giving up on me and seeing my potential.
6. Jose "nonino" for being the best big brother and loving me.
7. My dad for spoiling me :)
8. Joel who with him there's never a boring moment.
9. Andres who showed me child-like faith.
10. Rob for that pencil lol and for always playing games.
11. S.O.L for teaching me patience.
12. Elena who always hugs me.
13. Mrs. Miller for teaching me tough love.
14. Dalila for always motivating me to do more.
15. My "teens" for making me want to be a better teacher and christian.
16. Nicky who made me stronger.
17. Henry who i can always count on when it matters.
18. Brandon who amazes me and who's curiosity makes me think really hard.
19. Richard who pushes my creativity and leadership skills every chance he gets.
20. Ivette who's always honest.
21. For a person who shall remain nameless at the moment but who has made me believe in prayer and has already changed me in ways they will never know.

wow this made me all nostalgic i'll continue the list tomorrow so check back to see if u've made it.

Day 8

So today hasn't been the greatest day far from it... but i'm going to try to name my 21 things...

here goes nothing..

Today I'm thankful for...

1. I got to sleep in this morning.
2. It's Carol's birthday!
3. I got to play my favorite game with Lilly.
4. My mom took me to the E.R,
5. The Dr not finding anything serious.
6. The beautiful spring day we had today.
7. All the clothes on my bedroom floor although they don"t fit.
8. My pluto thats soft and cuddly.
9. My laptop charger came in the mail today.
10. Porfilio who was very understanding of my little incident.
11. Comcast helping me get my router working.
12. Pizza!
13. DVR... never miss a show.
14. Finding another left contact I so needed!
15. Skype still stay connected to people.
16. spending a couple of nights in my room.
17. My clothes are already ready for Sabbath.
18. Bath & Body Works Fragrance & Shea-Infused Lounge Socks
19. Toliet paper... need I say more.
20. light up drum sticks
21. God who never ceases to amaze me everyday!

Go ahead and join me if you dare...21 things for 21 days!

Day 7

Hooray so i've done 7 days out of 21. This little project is way harder than it looks because it forces you to look at the not always obvious things that happen in your daily life.

So today i'm thankful for...

1. Cindia who always has such a generous heart.
2. All the troops who are out there defending our freedom.
3. I got to take a nap.
4. Mangoes because they are so addicting and they are good for you.
5. Lilly and Erika because they had incredible patience today.
6. Baguette de France because they always make my sandwiches perfect.
7. My mom who I got to speak to today.
8. My sabbath school class who always makes me think.
9. Nancy Leigh Demoss God uses her sermons to speak to women everyday.
10. Apple valley because they have Goya products and Veggie Meat.
11. My choice to become vegetarian it's getting easier.
12. Water... God knew what he was doing and it was good.
13. I got 2 major things accomplished.
14. The light rain we had today it'll help make everything greener.
15. Google don't know how I would do now carrying all those encyclopedia.
16. Memories that keep me close to my loved ones though they may be gone.
17. My licence took me long enough to get it and now can't imagine my life without it.
18. Hand Sanitizers and Lysol helps keep the cooties away.
19. Norah who always makes me laugh.
20. I'm not in Japan right now i'll stick to my very boring Berrien Springs.
21. Sleep which I plan to get some right now.

Goodnight!

Day 6

So I've actually been looking forward to writing today for some odd reason so well here it is...

Today i'm thankful for...

1. Odd jobs that i have that help me to get by.
2. God saved me from two near fatal car accidents.
3. Lilly is letting me borrow her charger so i can write this.
4. Being able to spend sometime with the McArthurs today :)
5. Not being sick yet
6. homeopathic medication.
7. Johnny who i got to see and speak with today.
8. My new headphones.
9. Hair ties if not my hair would be crazier.
10. I got to go buy veggie meats today.
11. Brandon who learned to write my name.
12. Eye drops and cough drops.
13. Spring Break!
14. I get to sleep in tomorrow.
15. The sudden burst of energy I got this morning and made breakfast.
16. I got to eat creme brulee it was amazing.
17. Q-tips I can't seem to get by without them.
18. The sun shining more and more here in Michigan.
19. 5 new t-shirts I got for free.
20. Hardi downloading new music into my blackberry,
21. For my people in CT whom i miss...

See you tomorrow.